Classic Rewind

I finally opened up my plan book from last year to remind myself of what to do this year. I say finally because I've been looking at it for the past two months determined to get ahead of the beginning of the year.
Anyway, in it I found some classic lines from the end of last year that I seemed to have forgotten about (how easy that was with summer vacation). So for your enjoyment:

While we were studying about U.S. symbols, they had to do a sort. The kids had to decide if the picture was a U.S. symbol or not and one of the pictures was of a pear:

C: "A pear is not a U.S. symbol, but it could be one for Paris!"

There/their/they're...it's all the same.


Overheard while they were playing with Legos:

S: "I wouldn't want to live in China because then all you eat would be China noodles."
J: "I can't wait to live in China if I get to eat China noodles all the time."

Chickity China the Chinese Chicken... (I honestly had to look that up, because I had NO idea it was Chickty China)


Annnnd Happy Belated Father's Day! Hopefully not to any of my friends. Here are the best responses from our Father's Day books, luckily I have met all of these men and can say they are probably true:

My Dad Likes..."something kids cannot drink"

I Like..."his beautiful girlfriends"

(Freewrite on the cover of the book): You're the best daddy I ever had

Back-to-School

I have to say that the only good thing about back to school is the shopping. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher, but I love the new crayon boxes and the fresh notebooks with the promise of fun things to come. Oh, and the clothes; I mean how can you say no to new fall clothes?

So, to make the back to school time a little easier on all of us teachers. I found some funny things that kids have written. Let's hope that next school year is full of funny spelling mistakes and brutally honest kids who know their parents all too well.

Enjoy!

Future leaders of America.

My mom asked for the same thing

Happy Father's Day!

Dr. Seuss you are not

Pepto Bismol

Overheard in the hallway when the 6th graders were changing classes:

Friend: "C, you look like you are constipated." (Completely joking)
C: "Well that's what Pepto Bismol is for." (Totally serious)

The 80's

I was reading a story about a princess and she was riding in an Ox Cart. After looking at the picture, one of my students had a serious question to ask:

R: Does this take place in the 80's?


I forgot, we all rode around in Ox Carts in the 80's.

My Friend Hitler

After writing about "Call of Doode" (Call of Duty) in his Writer's Workshop, one of my students was curious about my personal opinion on someone:

A: Ms. W, do you like Hitler?
Ms. W: Well, I mean I didn't know him, but he was not a nice guy.
A: Oh okay, so no-right?

Yes, that would be a no.

Mike Tyson's Daughter

We are learning about making graphs using data, so I posed the question: Do you have a cat? When the students were choosing their answer on the board-if they had a cat I asked what the cats name was. One of the girls hesitated, so I asked if she really had a cat.

B: Maybe she's thinking of a dog, yeah C has a dog.

K: C, what's your cats name or do you have a dog?

C: I think she has a dog.

A: Maybe she has a tiger!

Good thing we don't have bring your pet to school day.

Completely Necessary

One of my kids made a weird, loud noise while walking to the carpet:

Ms. W: A, was that necessary?

A: No, it was me.

I wasn't aware we had someone named necessary in our class.

Everyone Farts

I was sitting by the lego station during Discovery Time and couldn't resist chirping in to this conversation:

L: Ew B, you farted-that's gross

B: Sorry!

Ms. W: You know L, everyone farts. It's nothing that's that bad.

B: Yeah L, you fart too!

L: Yeah, but not at school!

Life Long Dream

When the class was settling down after lunch for a story, I had one student ask me a question:

S: Ms. W, what would be your life long dream?

Ms. W: (in my head: to be a teacher, duh!) Mmmm....

S: Mine would be to be in a beauty pageant.

Ms. W: Wow, that'd be really fun. Mine would probably be to take pictures of animals in Africa.

C: I know how you can donate to save the animals in Africa, go to Animal Kingdom!


Marketing at it's best.

Long Trips

I was leaving the lunch line when a first grader stopped me to share about her weekend:

T: Ms. W, I went to Ocean City over the weekend.

Ms. W: Oh that sounds like fun! Next time you will have to take me!

T: (said very matter of factly) Yeah, but you would have to sit in the back and drink wine the whole time because it is a very loonnng ride.

Okay, if you say so!

Sexy Time

We were in the library looking at the books we were about to check out. Some of my students were looking through the homemade books when they saw a lady in a bathing suit (note: there was nothing revealing about the suit at all, it was just the top part that looked like a thick strap tank top-I think it was just the fact that it was a lady in a bathing suit). My two boys shared this thought together:

C: She is sexy hot.
B: Yeah, super, super sexy hot.

Tell Me About Your First Kiss

New Found Glory may have pegged these two with their lyrics:

"Tell me about your first kiss

Tell me or have you already forgotten it?"

This video was just too cute not to share, but I'm glad this didn't happen in my classroom.

First Kiss

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

We were making a Mother's Day book in my class and one of the pages asked them to write and draw something that their mother doesn't like them to do (to go right after the page that says what they do like). Looking back-I was just asking for some horrible responses, but this is my favorite. He tried so hard and actually gave a legitimate response...just not one that his mother would probably like in a book.

It reads as follows:

"My mom does not like it when I sa bd wors (say bad words)"

Boy: "I Fuc"

Mom: "Dot toc to me like that"

That's What She Said

I think I have a case of the "That's What She Said"'s in my classroom. Except it literally is what she said. We walked into the library to see a sub and one of my girls made a comment to a boy. He decided to raise his hand to tell me, so I called on him before everything started.

B: "Ms. W, V said that she was fat." [referring to the sub]

Ms. W: "B and V, let's go over here and talk."

B: "But that's what she said! She said the lady was fat!"

Picture me banging my head against the bookcase about now.

My Expertise

"I am an expert on:

All flips

Handstands

Raping"

Oh how nice...looks like we can catch them early now.

Happy Mother's Day!

"My mom likes to stay home sometimes with my brother offten. And she loves to go to welfare."

Who doesn't LOVE to go to welfare? I'd go there everyday if I could.

I'd Love to See Their Thoughts on Bin Laden

If you have horrible eyesight like me, it says:

Which U.S. symbol is most important to you? Why is it so special to the United States?

None. I respect the symbol however saluting or worshipping the symbols would takeing away what belongs to God.

In the words of my friend who posted this: Jehova's Witness...enough said.

I Want to Love You Madly

Getting together and breaking up is never easy to do...if it was the Backstreet Boys, N*SYNC, 98 Degrees, LFO and everyone else would never have made it big (Yes, I really did just include LFO in that group-I mean Summer Girls, come on). Here are two stories about love and loss in elementary school:

My friend who teaches 4th grade found this note being passed during class:

Boy: Do you like me...circle yes or no?

Girl: Ew, no. Why would you think that?

My first thought was "You go girl!" and then I thought: "Is that line really still used? Good thing she turned him down."

And here is one from my class-it's a card one of my students gave to a boy. On the front was a picture of them holding hands:

Dear J,

I am very sad that you broke up with me. Please be my friend.

Love, K.

I hate to think of how many years of this both of them have ahead of them.

Happy Birthday

It was one of the other kindergarten teachers birthday and a student wanted to give her a gift, so she asked her aid what she thought the teacher would want.

E: Ms. C, does Ms. F have a boyfriend?

Ms. C: No, why?

E: Do you think Ms. F would like a boyfriend for her birthday?

If only kindergarteners really could help you meet the man of your dreams.

Everytime I Close My Eyes...

To get my class ready for Writer's Workshop, I had them each close their eyes to picture a story. We then shared what we saw so that if some were struggling, they could get an idea. I called on one student who raised his hand:

Ms. W: C, what did you see when you closed your eyes?

C: Inappropriate things.

Ms. W: Excuse me?

C: Inappropriate things.

Yeah, we thought of a new topic and fast.

How Your Kids Picture You

A mom from last year shared this about her 3 year old daughter:

M: Mommy will you draw a picture with me, and C and you and Daddy? And will you draw you and Daddy with guns? And Daddy is drinking beer. And so are you. And so is C. I think he likes it. And Daddy is holding a baby.

By the time the picture was done, there were 8 babies total. Some were in a shopping cart.

My Dad Shops Here!

A friend's kindergarten class went on a field trip to the grocery store to see their "community helpers". While walking in, they saw the beer and wine aisle, where one student shared their thoughts:

Student: Hey! This is the part where my dad shops!

Funny story, his mom's "spot" at the grocery store was the pharmacy. My kind of family.

Sink and Float

We've been doing an intensive unit on sink and float in science recently, and today we had a discussion about why things float. We came up with that a lot of things that float have more air in them. So they went back to their seats to write/draw about this. Here is the discussion I had with one of my students.

Ms. W: So what's going on in your picture here A?

A: Well this guy has a life jacket on so he is floating. This guy doesn't so he is sinking.


I guess he didn't know how to swim...

Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail

A mom from last year shared this conversation that she had with her son with me:

Mom: What do you think the Easter Bunny is going to bring you this year?

C: A Nintendo DS

Mom: I don't think the Easter Bunny brings expensive gifts like that.

C: Yes he does. He just steals them all anyway.

What's Black and White...

The same mom from the previous story, shared this question from her 3 year old:

M: Do penguins fart fish?

Who Do You Love More?

A parent shared this with me the other day, I had her son last year.

C: Mom, who do you love more? M, Dad, or me?

Mom: I don't love anyone more than the other.

C: I think it's me because I'm really smart.

It Wasn't Me

If I could have a dollar for every time I heard "It wasn't me", I would have more money than Shaggy right now.

Here are two of my favorite "It wasn't me" stories:

K: Ms. W, B said f*ck

Ms. W: Umm, B-come here please.

B: (shouting towards me at the door) BUT I DIDN'T SAY F*CK, I SAID FOX

-please note he has a really strong spanish accent, so when he says fox, it actually does sound like f*ck

Ms. W: B PLEASE COME MEET ME OUTSIDE

B: (still shouting) BUT I DIDN'T SAY F*CK


Another day:

J: R said what the hell

Ms. W: R can you please come here so I can talk to you

R: (shouting) What the heck!? I didn't say what the hell!


My class loves to shout at appropriate times.

Are We Done Yet?

I was reading a book about someone who was very boring, so I was reading it pretty slow to give it an effect. Apparently one of my students was not pleased:

J: Ms. W, the book done?
Ms. W: No, there is still some pages left.
J: You read faster.

Too Big To Fit In Here

During Language Arts groups one of my students apparently had a slight issue. I should reword that, too big of an issue:

B: Mrs. B, my peewee is SOOOOO big!

Parental Influence

I interview my students on the Social Studies and Science topics that we learn about, so I can see what they picked up. While asking one of my students what the President does, he responded with this:

A: He takes everyone's money and then passes it back out to everyone.

This was obviously a home conversation.

Match.com

In Social Studies we are learning about globes and maps. Today we made a map of the playground and I told them that it was important to create a title and write the date for it. While writing the title one of my students wanted to compliment me:

R: Ms. W you are a good dater

Yes, I would like to think my dating skills are superb.

What's a Smart Alec?

I overheard this one in the hallway yesterday:

Teacher: Okay guys, you better stop talking so that we can get back to the class. You don't want to miss your bus.

Student: But I don't ride a bus.

Teacher: Did you really just say that?

Student: But I don't ride a bus.

Teacher: You shouldn't talk back to a teacher like that.

Student: But I really don't ride a bus.

Someone Call D.A.R.E.

My friend's fourth grade student had this comment to say after lunch:

A: Ms. F, my coke my mom brought me at lunch turned me on!"

no comment.

Kindergarten Diet

During snack today some of my students chose these small bags of popcorn. I overheard this conversation discussing the nutrition facts of their snack:

L: It only has 100 calories.

S (said in a Valley Girl voice which made it even better to me): Calories are bad for you. It's all sugar.

Move over Atkins, my class has the new diet scoop.

When I am 100

For the 100th day of school we did a lot of fun activities dealing with the number 100. One of them was a writing prompt that had the kids think about what they would do and be like when they're 100. Here are some of their answers.

When I am 100 I will:

• die
• make fuzzy sweaters
• watch old t.v. shows
• sleep
• sleep all day and make muffins
• rock in a rocking chair
• be old
• mop
• have cats
  

The last one is probably the most accurate of what will happen to my friends and me.

You Know You're Old When...

A conversation that occurred at recess between my I.A. and a student:

C: Mrs. B you have old lady arms
Mrs. B: Why do you think that?
C: Because there's the flabby skin.

For the record, my I.A. does not have old lady arms, but I guess compared to a kindergarten arm-they do look older.

If I Were President

I had my students draw a picture and write a sentence about what they would do if they were President. We had talked about how Presidents are important because they are the leaders of our country, they help people, they protect us, and one of my students even remembered how the President talked to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr to give people equal rights.

Out of all of the answers I received from the writing prompt, this was my favorite:

"If I was President, I would ride around in a limo."

That would be about right.

What's Annoying?

While reading a book about the job of the President today, one of my students became very curious.

Ms. W: A president has to campaign to be elected.

A: What's campaign?

Ms. W: A campaign is what someone does to receive votes. They can go around and make speeches about what they would do if they were elected.

A: What's vote?

Ms. W: It's when you choose the person you like best to become something.

A: What's choose?

Ms. W: I think you're asking questions just to be silly now.

A: You know I don't know everything in the whole entire world Ms. W!

That is something that I did actually know, A. Thanks for informing me though.

Cult Like Behavior

If you ever want to experience the power of positive thinking and group thinking at the same time, please visit a kindergarten class. My class likes to compliment people on their clothes...a lot. So much that it has actually become a little over the top. But hey, I'll take a compliment where I can get it.

J: Ms. W, I really like your shirt.

Ms. W: Thanks J, I really like yours too.

S: Ms. W, I like your shirt too.

B: Me too! I reeeeallllly like your shirt.

A: I like your shirt Ms. W!

And so it went until about half the class said that they liked my shirt before I stopped them all.

The best part is that I had to look down to make sure I was wearing what I thought I was wearing today: A plain white t-shirt.

The Really Magic School Bus

A student in my friend's 4th grade class started to sing a song while watching the magic school bus. It's sung to the tune of Livin' on a Prayer:

Whhoooaaa, we're covered in dust

On the Magic School Bus

Inside Some guys nuts

On the Magic School Bus

I wasn't aware The Magic School Bus did a special on sex education.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This one comes from a 1st grade class that my friend teaches. She received a Valentine from a student that read:

To Mrs. L

HaPPy

BLOWING

TIMeS

We are still trying to figure this one out.

What's in a Name?

One of my friends is getting this puppy soon. So I decided to ask my students what they would name it and then draw a picture of how they would play with it.

Here are some of the names they came up with (in no particular order):

• Fluffy (spelled Fl E)
• Puppy
• Shamrock
• Timmy
• Rock and Roll Dog
• Brownie
• Jose
• Fudge
• Daisy
• Green Goblin
• Lily (after my dog)
• Qtee
• Monster Trucks
• Cake
• One of the girls just colored a blue dog
  
• Two kids named it after themselves
  

And my favorite of all...I had two students name the dog Martin and Luther after Dr. Martin Luther King, jr.

Let's Ask Buzz Aldrin

On of my friend's students asked a joke:

"What does an astronaut eat?"

One of the answers that they came up with during a brainstorm: Uranus.


It's still funny even when we're not in 6th grade.

Why We Teach

My friend's sixth grade class had a guidance lesson today. The counselor told the class that despite what they think, teachers come to school because they like being with you. Here is what one of her students responded with:

"No, she comes to school to eat donuts."

Can someone tell me where the free donuts are because I'm obviously missing out.

Call Me Mr. Flinstone

Here's a nice one from my friend's 3rd grade class; one of her students walked in and said:

"Hey Ms. C, I can make your bed rock!"

They left out the word play...as in I can play "I Can Make Your Bed Rock".

I'm Too Sexy for Kindergarten

Right Said Fred must have inspired a whole new generation somehow, because my kindergarten class is bringing sexy back-and not in the Justin Timberlake kind of way. While lining up for lunch I hear a student yell:

C: "Ms. W, B called me sexy!"

Oh. god. So after taking him aside and explaining that sexy is not a word that we use in school and that only grown ups should use...he asks for clarification.

B: "But my daddy uses it."

Ms. W: "Because your daddy is a grown-up."

B: "Like a big man word?"

Ms. W: "Yes only a big man should use it. Not a little boy."

B: "Ohhhhh, not me."

Ms. W: "Yes, not you. And never in school."

So after I feel like he truly understands when this word is supposed to be used-he says it two more times later on that day.

Mad Libs

My friend teaches 6th grade and one of her reading groups was working on using context clues to fill in the blanks of a story (and of course have it make sense).

The following is what one of her students wrote:

Someday I am going to have a house of my own. I will feed my pig to my tiger.

Yes, because having a pig that you feed to you pet tiger makes sense. Unless you're Mike Tyson in The Hangover-then it really does make sense.

CHUG

Just a funny misspelling during Writer's Workshop today. While trying to write the word king a student sounded it out and wrote this:

KEG

He obviously already knows beer is king.

Homophones

Today was Freaky Friday at school, so we were able to wear a wacky outfit. A couple of students were wearing tutu's, so I exclaimed:

Ms. W: "Look A! S is wearing a tutu too!"
L: "What's a tututu?"

Someone Knows the Way to my Heart

This is just for bragging rights:

I have the BEST parents in my class. One mom brought me Starbucks today while she came in to volunteer during Language Arts. This is after she made my aid and me brownies over the weekend.

Seriously, I couldn't survive without such generous and fun people.

He Has a White Robe Somewhere

Continuing our discussion on Rosa Parks, we talked about how white people and African American people could not sit next to each other on the bus, and sometimes African Americans were made to leave their seat for a white person if there wasn't enough room on the bus. In discovering this one student shouts out:

A: "Yessssssssssssssssssss"

Racist much?

Stating the Obvious

Teaching about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks is always interesting. It's funny to see how they come to terms with the fact that people of different races used to be treated differently. While talking about "long ago" and the laws that were in affect, such as segregation in schools and buses, one student decides to pipe in about an African American student in our class:

A: "But K is in our class AND I'm sitting next to her."

Thank you for stating the obvious. What's funny is that he's hispanic, so he wouldn't be allowed in our class either.

During our Language Arts groups today one of the girls looks at me and says:

"Ms. W, your teeths are getting yellow."

I'll have to rethink that morning coffee from now on for the sake of my teeths.

From the Peanut Gallery

We're learning about the sense of smell in Science and today we played a guess the smell game. The students had to smell a canister and then write down what they thought it was. This is what a student wrote after smelling the vanilla canister:

PEENUS



He thought it was peanuts.

Moostache

While doing writer's workshop, one of the kids drew a mustache on himself. I explained to him that it was supposed to be a true story, and since he doesn't have a mustache, it can't be true. His neighbor follows up with this:

C: "Chances are if you have a mustache, you have a mustache."

That would be correct.

An Apple a Day Would Have Solved This

I was sitting at one of my class' tables talking about my doctor's appointment on Tuesday; I had informed them that I received a shot. This is what followed:

S: "Where did you get your shot?"

Ms. W (for some reason thinking she was asking where my doctor's is): "In Arlington."

S: "Where is your Arlington?"

M: "Oh I mean I got it in my arm."

Woops. Thank goodness it wasn't a shot that has to be administered through the bottom.

If Quizzes are Quizzicle, What are Tests?

A joke from a a student in my friend's 4th grade class:

"What did the student do when the teacher told him he had a make-up test?
He went out and bought mascara, blush, and lipstick!"

hardee-har-har.

Cut the Cord

A letter my friend received from a parent about an upcoming field trip:

"Dear Miss C,
My daughter has a skin allergy so I would like to accompany her on the upcoming field trip to the play. I hope you understand."


To be honest with you, no-I don't understand.

Someone Tried This at Home

I was enlightened about an overheard conversation from my classroom during lunch today. I have to admit, the first thing I did was laugh and just think about what must have happened at home for her to share this life lesson.

J: "Do you know what happens when you use your finger?" (referring to sticking up her middle finger)

V: "What?"

J: "If you use it, the devil will come up and take you back down there."


My guess is she didn't learn this the hard way.

The Real 6th Sense?

Back to school....back to school. Well it was a nice break while it lasted and the kiddos are sure ready to be back and share everything that they know. Including what sense we are learning about this week.

Mrs. B: "Let's see we've learned about sight, taste, touch and now we're about to read a book about our ears. What sense do you think we're going to learn about this week?"

Student (without raising his hand and shouting at the top of his lungs): CHRISTMAS!!!!

Oh yes, how could I forget the Christmas sense? Sadly, this answer will probably continue for another month.